Reflections on the Past Quarter-Century

Posted: May 3, 2007 in Biographical

Another year, another birthday. For the first time, I’m starting to feel old. I know that 25 is young, but part of me feels like I’m still a teenager, and I’m not sure that adulthood is all it’s cracked up to be. There are a few perks, but really, my life’s about the same now as it was at 19, just with more expectations of “normalcy”, and less leeway for breaking society’s arbitrary rules. Looking back, the world has changed a lot since I’ve been alive, but the way those changes affected me can only be views in retrospect.

I was born in 1982, under the influence of MTV, Ronald Reagan, and the AIDS scare. This explains my love for 80s hair metal, and hate for rap music [as rap videos replaced the music I liked on TV], and why I swung towards conservatism at a very young age, when there were still a few things in society worth “conserving”. I was a member of the first generation to grow up under the shadow of HIV, maybe because I was also in the first generation where interracial dating was seen as “normal” by most of my peer group. I remember the fall of the Berlin Wall and South African Apartheid, and how both were celebrated on television [nobody knew the atrocities that would be committed later by the newly “liberated” blacks in Africa, or the condition the former USSR would be left in after years of Judeo-Communist domination]. More relevant was the PTL club scandal and the fall of TV evangelism – I remember thinking they seemed so fake, even as a child, and I couldn’t figure out why my grandma loved the TV preachers enough to send them money [these same types are en vogue once again, combining their prosperity gospel with rampant Zionism and multiculturalism, still using religious brainwashing to play on the heart-strings and purse-strings of the American sheeple].

The invasion of Panama and the first Gulf War mattered to me, because they meant my dad went overseas, and I spent a lot of time home alone or bouncing between relatives. I had the walls of my room plastered with information about Iraq, the Army, and military weapons, and I thought it’d be so cool to grow up and work in military intelligence or the FBI. I wonder how many other people felt that way, took the jobs, and now have to live with the things their respective agencies are doing.

I remember hearing about the LA riots, and how everyone felt it was bad and unfair, and then the OJ Simpson trial, where the black kids cheered and the white kids mostly said it was bullshit when the verdict was announced [so long as they were where no blacks could hear them]. I remember Waco, Ruby Ridge, and the OKC bombing, and all of a sudden I no longer wanted to work for the federal government, or in law enforcement. I remember the big media panic over the militia groups, and finding that I agreed with most of what they said. Turning in research papers on militias, white supremacy, and neo-pagan spirituality, all with a positive slant, does not endear a child to most teachers, but that in itself taught me a valuable lesson about the world – beliefs have consequences, and I learned to face them at an early age.

I remember Columbine, only because I knew my taste in music, clothing, and friends, had just made me a target of discrimination by overzealous watchdogs and my media-influenced peers. Nobody ever mentioned how many kids in gang attire and “wigger” or “ghetto” style killed people on the streets after school, but suddenly white kids wearing black were the violent ones. I remember the Brady Bill and Proposition 187, and the huge debates over both. I remember the debates over sex and violence in the media. I don’t think any of us knew at the time how far-reaching the effects of any of these things would be, and how far in the future these same questions and debates would be in the headlines.

More recently, we’ve had 9/11, the Patriot Act, and the Iraq War, the immigration debate, and the fiasco that has been the Bush presidency. I don’t even know where to begin with any of the above, or what the effects will be in 5 or 10 years, but it’ll be interesting. I just know that Americans are living in more fear now than at any time I can remember, and are voluntarily giving up freedoms that should never have been taken for granted. Maybe that’s what life I remember it has all been leading up to – random world events setting the state for some sort of totalitarian multiculturalist state. If so, I hope enough people have learned from this same history that if we don’t fight it, things will only get worse, and we may be past the point in another generation or two where anyone will even remember what kind of world there was to fight for.

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